Have you met your parents?
I recently got on a call with a colleague.
He was elated in sharing that he was expecting his first child.
What was originally meant to be a work-related call was a deep chat on parenting.
As someone who is not a parent, I found this discussion interesting.
Call it a future conversation for me to absorb the wisdom.
He said something to me that inspired this post.
“Have you met your parents?”
A strange question to ask, but there was depth to this statement.
He explained how so many of us are not exposed or aware of who our parents truly are when we are children.
We may have our entire lives known mum & dad in the strictly parental role.
The caregiver, provider, protector, nurturer, teacher etc..
Perhaps when we are older then, we get to really understand our parents for who they are.
My colleague shared this point because he valued his identity, goals, and unique personality of himself.
He wanted his child to grow up knowing that Dad wasn’t just someone who went to work but loved cars, basketball, being in nature, and more.
I love this concept because it goes beyond raising a child.
It is important in all relationships.
Before you entered a relationship you were aware of only you as the master and captain of your life.
As you find love and invite friends or others into your life more intimately, you realize that you can ‘co-sail’ with people that matter to you.
Part of you learns to forge a new ‘super identity’ — the couple.
The couple has ways of communicating, how they spend time, expectations, finances, rituals etc.
It doesn’t stop there, later you add another layer of parenthood.
Parenthood too, takes on a super identity of its own.
Together with your partner, you are dedicated to raising another human.
Requiring a team effort to think about how they will communicate, nourish, educate, nurture, etc.. the child.
So there is; yourself, the relationship, and parenthood. All of which are unique identity structures.
Though I want to remind you of the foundation of it all, where it all starts — you.
Your original identity is the start.
As my colleague alluded to, you have to honor it.
Your identity must still be an entity.
Putting yourself first in who you are, is not selfish. It is honoring who intrinsically you are.
Whoever you meet, at whatever level, show up as you first, and then expand on your other identities.
I think my future child would like to know that about me.
